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It’s Gilda Sue’s Mail Bag! (Does Someone Need a Vacation?)

Hello, lovelies.

Here are all of this week’s queries. The whole kit and kaboodle. All three:

“Dear Gilda Sue,

Will Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie EVER get married?  They are AMERICA’S! SWEETHEARTS!”

That’s from Nikki.

Nikki, hon, when I first started reading your hand-written letter, I found myself wondering, “Who on Earth actually gives a hoot about those two shlubs?” But by the time I got to your signature, with the little red and pink hearts dotting both of the I’s in your name, it all made sense. Jeez-Louise, Nikki! Is this how you sign all your missives? How long does that take you? And how old are you anyway, thirteen? (Christian Bale, by the way, is totally married.)

“Dear Gilda Sue,

What time is it?”

I’d say it’s time to stop being such a smarty-panties, Mr. Smarty-Panties McGhee. Oy!

“Dear Gilda Sue,

I just don’t understand PEOPLE!”

That’s from Jiminy in Hollywood, California.

Jiminy, honey, judging from the tone of frustration in your words, my guess is that you do understand people. You see people for the bunch of ignoble and facile schmucks they really are: ingrates, opportunists, phoney-baloneys, and lemmings. You just need to face the fact that you don’t like people all that much. And who can blame you?

So that’s it. That’s all the mail I got this week. Jeez. Can we step it up a tad, y’all?

Oy!

Coming soon: The Gilda Sue Rosenstern Computer Internet Show movie!