It’s Gilda Sue’s Mail Bag! “All Apologies!”

Hello, lovelies.

This week’s missive is from Nikki. Remember Nikki from last week? The gal with the little red and pink hearts dotting both I’s in her name?

This time Nikki writes:

“Dear Gilda Sue,

Thank you for printing my letter. You seemed too angry to answer my question about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. But I’ll go ahead and answer all of yours.

• The reason I care about those two shlubs is that I live in a Cambodian orphanage, and I want those two shlubs to adopt me so I can live in Hollywood, where the prostitution is more like a metaphor than it is a literal nightmare/day-to-day necessity/”lesser of two evils” sort of thing.
  
• And yes, I do sign all of my letters with little red and pink hearts dotting both I’s in my name.
• It only takes about three seconds longer to do it. I’m sorry you don’t like it, but it cheers me up, and my Christian Children’s Fund sponsors in America say it makes them feel like they’re really getting something for their $34 per month.
• No, I’m not thirteen. I’m eight.

Have a lovely day.

Nikki”

Oy, y’all. I feel like such a schmoe. I’m real-real sorry for my attitude on the last Gilda Sue’s Mail Bag. Instead of pushing my own personal frustrations deep, deep down, and burying them  in a Drambuie Rickey as I’ve always advised, I let them creep into and taint my work as your on-line confidante and real-real concerned counselor. That is super unconscionable. It won’t happen again. Probably.

Nikki, please accept my apologies. To answer your question, I have no idea if Brad and Angelina will ever get married. But it looks like if they can get themselves to New York tout de suite, it’s now LEGAL!

(Note: My responses to the other two missives from last week, though, still stand. I offer no apologies there.)

Cheers, y’all. And have a rockin’ week!

http://www.GildaSueRosenstern.com!

It’s Gilda Sue’s Mail Bag! (Does Someone Need a Vacation?)

Hello, lovelies.

Here are all of this week’s queries. The whole kit and kaboodle. All three:

“Dear Gilda Sue,

Will Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie EVER get married?  They are AMERICA’S! SWEETHEARTS!”

That’s from Nikki.

Nikki, hon, when I first started reading your hand-written letter, I found myself wondering, “Who on Earth actually gives a hoot about those two shlubs?” But by the time I got to your signature, with the little red and pink hearts dotting both of the I’s in your name, it all made sense. Jeez-Louise, Nikki! Is this how you sign all your missives? How long does that take you? And how old are you anyway, thirteen? (Christian Bale, by the way, is totally married.)

“Dear Gilda Sue,

What time is it?”

I’d say it’s time to stop being such a smarty-panties, Mr. Smarty-Panties McGhee. Oy!

“Dear Gilda Sue,

I just don’t understand PEOPLE!”

That’s from Jiminy in Hollywood, California.

Jiminy, honey, judging from the tone of frustration in your words, my guess is that you do understand people. You see people for the bunch of ignoble and facile schmucks they really are: ingrates, opportunists, phoney-baloneys, and lemmings. You just need to face the fact that you don’t like people all that much. And who can blame you?

So that’s it. That’s all the mail I got this week. Jeez. Can we step it up a tad, y’all?

Oy!

Coming soon: The Gilda Sue Rosenstern Computer Internet Show movie!